monday 11:55p
| whoa! i had a strange day. i ran the necessary errands and started to feel bitchy, out of sorts, smelling strange things. by the time i got back, i felt downright unwell. and by about dinner time i had a migraine on the stove. so i had planned to spin and knit, but rather did nothing but lay about, which drives me nutso, even though i know i will get really sick if i don't. i am going to try to sleep early, so i can get stuff done to-morrow. i carded a few batts and tried to do the logistics on changing the orifice and flyer on my wheel...so if anyone knows a good woodworker, please let me know...so that excited me, and i got up to try to do some fiber stuff...quick...and sickness just overcame. as it usually will. on the craft show "that's clever" there was a man that made incredible furniture that lived in greensburg and that was really cool. so i feel that if i can change the aperture of my wheel without too much expense, i may be able to hold off on getting another for a good while. you know how i am about having stuff that i think i don't need. the thing that sucks is that the lendrum comes with stuff like a high speed whorl and bobbins that i will have no use for, so that kind of sucks. what do i want em for? nothing. so i wish you could pick exactly what you want. oh well, we will see.the gals were talking at camp about the wooly winder which comes standard on the lendrum wheel, but you can have made, or buy for your own type of wheel...if i can make this think, well, i can get one as is, but if i could alter it;s orifice, it woul be perfection. and then find a way to make loads of bobbins that would fit it. awesome. please send your woodworking friends my way. i need em. unless the wooly people will alter it for me. which i doubt. although i know some of you who have louets and want to do bulky stuff would be in like flynn. gosh, i feel high on migraine meds. it is an odd feel. like i am a ghost between worlds. i had a good chat with gabe today, i am hoping he will take me up on my offer to help him set up an etsy store and do some other things to get his name out there....i hate pushy people, so i really try my best to keep my pushiness to a minimum. we jews are just pushy people...i think boo would agree. ok...i am getting super duper looper. i mean loopy. so this may all look different to-morrow. the yarn in the photo has supercoils and sequins, my thing of the moment, although there are some other supa cool things in the works....just stick with me. all the cool kids are doing. well, i am anyway. i have posted around about the llama and some other fibers i have that aren't very soft, and as you know, i am all about soft...and i am talking a few pounds. so if you are interested in them, and would want to trade me somethng cute for them...whatever...please email me... also, sarah(puppy momma), if you got your package please email me....also jade-you mermaid gal...email me if you got yours...i worry about these things. one of my secret pals that i give stuff to hasn't told me she got it, so i worry that a semi expensive package is in who knows where. and then, on that note, i cannot find the email addresses of my secret pals, so cannot let them know that i got their rocking presents. so so good. one had fiber in it, and notepads and all sorts of goodnesss. the other had a great yankee candle co pie warmer thing that smells yummmy(say it in a high voice) i need to find a place where cats won't be burst into flames. i have been using electric candle warmers that are cheap and i don't have to worry about a cat on fire. this one is very cool though. maybe take it out when guests come. oh, also, i have the receptionist at my drs office a skein of yarn i spun when i was first learning because she is just learning to knit and she embroidered me this little picture of snowman with a little purple scarf like the yarn i got her...and she embroidered it herself. it was such a nice thought. so sweet. it means a lot to me that people think of me. i guess it is just best for them that they don't get to know me. my expectations are too high. i am not perfect, but i am vocal. if i am unhappy, i will tell you why. maybe not in a nice way, either. and then...i sometimes realize that nothing will change by trying to talk things out, that it isn't fair to make someone feel terrible. if they don't want to change...that is their life. they want to see bad in others rather than themselves...what can you do? if they would never be honest...with anyone...including themselves, where do you go from there? what is the point of talking? i think that lots of people would benefit from therapy and lots would benefit from medicine. i think their depression becomes a part of life to them. everything sucks. everything. all the time. and it is hard to listen to. granted, i am a big complainer. but i try to not talk to anyone when i am really bad. to stay alone. we all gossip, if you say you don't, you are a boldfaced liar...but for some people, the say nothing nice about anyone. only mean. about people they like. i would tell anyone anything i say without them present if they asked me. the only reason i don't, is that i don't want to unnecessarily hurt their feelings. but some people act nice as pie to people's face, act like another person, in fact and then turn around and talk to me like i am irritating. lame. i know i can be blunt. rude. thoughtless. and as i have gotten older, is has gotten better(believe it or not) but i also clam up when a situation is so screwed up that there seems like nothing to do but leave it alone. some people manipulate and lie and try to make their relationships seem better than they are to hurt feelings...that is the ultimate sin to me. you don't screw with people. whatever your reason. i don't want to play games with my friends. or my husband, or anyone. if i care about you, i do, and i will do my best to do what a loved one should do. i won't ignore you if your "other" friends are around. i won't leave you hanging, but keep you on the backburner, in case something better comes through. that is not how you treat your friends. that is someone who just needs something to do. that is selfish. i ramble. i have been rather solitary lately. unsure of what is really going on. who to trust. what to think. but i guess, you have to accept people for who they are, that is all you can do. in cases where they are who the are with at the moment...i dunno if i can do any of that at all. i am too old for that nonsense. too busy. i hope these people see their shortcomings, and how it can do nothing but separate them from the world, and from genuine relationships...therapy, or antidepressants, or exercise or whatever may help...but as was once set, a life unexamined, is no life at all. i am trying on my side to be a better artist, better spinner, better wife, friend, better me. i try to give my all until the life starts being drained out of me, by people who live their lives vicariously over other people. rather than be the person that they wish they were. why not try new things? why be afraid of everything all the time? why not try telling people what you are thinking or how you feel genuinely. phonies are easily spotted and never liked. you have a 50/50 chance with the real you. why not be you? not someone that makes fun of everyone who you deem "less cool" than yourself. why not get to know them and decide then? you wouldn't let someone else tell you what you like to eat, would you? ok. super sleepy. super sleep super sleep she's super sleepy...yow! she's a very sleepy girl.... ok, i am sure i will regret this to-morrow...i have to go...but my last thing here...is be everything you want to be. be great. think that you rock! it is just as easy as thinking you suck. i really like myself. problems and all. i find that loads of people i really admire seem to really like me. and i admire myself. i work hard. push hard to move forward. fight through feeling unwell most days. but that is ok. that is me. and i am pretty good. why aren't you? why are you? go get strong. do that and come back. i am sure we will have plenty to talk about. wanna try something new? try it. don't be embarrassed. be proud that you are so bold. who cares? no one but you. do everything you want to do. and more. as nike always says. just do it. i must just try to go to sleep. love you all...you are the bestest *edit : whoa! i am an emotional migrainer, huh? i fell asleep around 2, i think, and woke up at 6. i am actually getting tired again. this awesome girl bought up all the yarn on etsy and then commissioned me for some mohair. minutes after punk rock princess yarn sold, someone emailed asking about it. i had a similar one, she was interested in more stuff, but after doing the boutique and leaving yarn at the squirrel hill knit and bead...which is for sale, btw..and all the etsy stuff i sold at once, .i have not much yarn, and i still have to finish spinning the kits...but it is cool. i don't even have my site up, yet, and although i am broke, due to needing to transfer money to the bank...but i am excited. people seem to really love my yarn, even when they see it in a photo, rather than in person. i try my best to make it look pretty. i have improved sooo much in the last month. it is insane when i see my old yarns. they were pretty. but now? wow. they stand on their own. no explanation needed as to why this or that looks goofy, or worrying that it may break when someone is knitting with it. ok, sleepy, and it is raining and warm enough for the window to be open and the sound of rain is my favorite in the world. and the smell. more later. zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz |
posted by natasha @ 12:35 AM
4 Comments:
Checking in to say hi and peace...and thanks for the inspiring words. You're the best.
Love and hugs,
Carrie
OH yeah...I just ordered a bunch of fiber so maybe when it arrives I'll find something to trade for a chunk of llama.
Not sure if any of it is soft enough for you, though! I'll let you know.
-Carrie
That's wonderful about your yarn on Etsy!!! You rock, Girl.
carrie-thanks! i ordered lots of fiber also...i will just give you the llama if you want it. i can't stand having stuff that i know i won't use. it drives me nutso. if you want it, i will send it to ya.
and thanks to you both for your support...it means a lot...
Post a Comment
<< Home